Sunday, November 17, 2013

Grief

Like the elephant in the room
my grief sits in the center of my mind
in meditative pose
I tell my inconvenient guest,
"I'll be with you in just a bit"
I've been saying that for weeks now
while hoping there was an easy
non-messy way
to fall to pieces over my loss
This has gone on a tad bit too long
I feel grief's impatience with me
encroaching on my calm order
The place I've grown into
- rather proud I've kept a level head
in the face of all this pain
She would be proud,
but even mom would tell me 'it's ok to let go'
even just for a brief period of time
as long as I don’t lose my way back
But there is no convenient way
to let these tears fall
and feel the heaviness of everything
I've shouldered in the past 3 months
There is no date to mark on a calendar
and say to my grief
"I've set an appointment with you
for next Tuesday from 4 to 6"
I admit I'm afraid of what my own strength
has kept buried
Terrified that I may return to the place
of emptiness I experienced just a few years before
Grief and I never have pleasant meetings
This time grief waits
a little grace for the many times we've done this
but it's growing restless
and I am running out of excuses
Feeling the moisture of forming tears
at the edge of my eyes

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