Sunday, June 1, 2014

Homesick

He once asked
Does anyone else get
Homesick
When looking up
At the stars

That brought me back
To California
When I would
Stare at the night sky
Desperate to remember
The way back

His first words to me
Were
Relax, mama

That November
I was a ball
Of awkwardness
And angst
Unsettled and unsure
Now I am still awkward
With less angst
More unpredictable
Than unsure
And settled depends
On the place
Time
Day
Weather
And company

Every time I put pen
To paper
There is a silent
Thank you
Written in the lines

My creative world
Cracked so far open
Its like the Grand Canyon
Filled with hip hop beats
House music
Spoken word
Art
And love
I am never more
At ease in my own skin
Than when I'm
Lost in live music
Surrounded by friends

He was Morpheus
I was Neo
And the door was
On a rundown street
In Greenpoint

He once wrote me
Thank you for being
A part of my artistic 
Everything

How do I tell him
That his friendship
Has been a surgeon
Stitching up wounds
CPR for the times
Life was so heavy
I'd stopped breathing
And my heart stopped
Beating

Art is my energy
And I didn't know
That until
I met him
I'd say thank you
But those words
Are too few
Too basic
Too simple

Our most
Recent conversation
Replays with
My morning alarm

Jump out of a plane
He said
Figuratively or literally
Jump out of a plane

Since then
I've been finding
The courage
In my own voice
Remembering the girl
Who traveled through
The city
To indie shows
Developing her identity

So many pieces of me
I can trace back to him

Wherever
My parachute lands me
I can guarantee
His sticker
Will be tucked inside
The opening flap
Of my poetry book

A constant reminder
That there is still someone
Who sees more in me
Than I do

And every time
I glance up at the night sky
I remember that he
Is more family
Than friend
A constant reminder
Of home