My grandfather was the greatest love of my life
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Chaos theory
I am confusion and madness cloaked in peace and calm
A stroke of genius within a tornado of a mind
Physical limitations only help fuel my daydreams and nightmares
Terracotta heart, titanium skull
Already a diamond in the rough, so under pressure I still won't falter
I've been a daughter to two women and two men, no wonder there are varying sides of me
My DNA is more twisted than double helix headphones
Generations of brilliant but broken minds reside within me
I am often the fine line between my genius and insanity - Tightrope walker
Often, my thoughts split like atoms - explosive ideas
Like riding through a Hadron collider
I often wonder if God was behind these particles
And if he was, just how big was the bang
That resulted in this moment in time
This perfected arrangement of gravity and matter
The deaths and evolutions of galaxies
the death and evolution of species
The eventual death and evolution of me
There is a chaos that is rooted in order
I was order, born into chaos
Often the order to another's chaos and chaos to my own order
...madness in calm
A stroke of genius within a tornado of a mind
Physical limitations only help fuel my daydreams and nightmares
Terracotta heart, titanium skull
Already a diamond in the rough, so under pressure I still won't falter
I've been a daughter to two women and two men, no wonder there are varying sides of me
My DNA is more twisted than double helix headphones
Generations of brilliant but broken minds reside within me
I am often the fine line between my genius and insanity - Tightrope walker
Often, my thoughts split like atoms - explosive ideas
Like riding through a Hadron collider
I often wonder if God was behind these particles
And if he was, just how big was the bang
That resulted in this moment in time
This perfected arrangement of gravity and matter
The deaths and evolutions of galaxies
the death and evolution of species
The eventual death and evolution of me
There is a chaos that is rooted in order
I was order, born into chaos
Often the order to another's chaos and chaos to my own order
...madness in calm
Not the first - Not the last
did you hear that crack?
did my ribs snap?
was there a gaping hole where my flower pot of a heart was?
Why was there dirt under your fingernails?
Why were there lilies in her hair?
I felt hollow, for days
I remember collapsing on the floor
when you told me you wanted her back
when you told her you loved her
when you asked me to fix your broken lie
I wish I could remember the insanity that drove me
to further rip myself apart from the inside out
I lied to cover your lies
So you could tell me you loved me
and share a bed with her
So you could call me your wife
the greatest love of your life
But spend all your time with someone
'temporary"
We were broken long before I finally let go
Like in our throes of passion,
I left claw marks where I tried to hold on
On our darkest night, I tore you apart
On my darkest night, I attempted to leave you in ruins
Who knew 3000 miles could be such a blessing
As I stitched myself back together,
I left out the parts that I felt were unnecessary,
Like trust
I've never trusted another man the way I trusted you
Commitment hasn't bothered to darken my doorstep again
I tried to love another
Become a wife and mother
but I was too selfish
All he wanted was all that I was
He wanted the freedom I'd gained
All I had left was freedom
Glorious, priceless, freedom
did my ribs snap?
was there a gaping hole where my flower pot of a heart was?
Why was there dirt under your fingernails?
Why were there lilies in her hair?
I felt hollow, for days
I remember collapsing on the floor
when you told me you wanted her back
when you told her you loved her
when you asked me to fix your broken lie
I wish I could remember the insanity that drove me
to further rip myself apart from the inside out
I lied to cover your lies
So you could tell me you loved me
and share a bed with her
So you could call me your wife
the greatest love of your life
But spend all your time with someone
'temporary"
We were broken long before I finally let go
Like in our throes of passion,
I left claw marks where I tried to hold on
On our darkest night, I tore you apart
On my darkest night, I attempted to leave you in ruins
Who knew 3000 miles could be such a blessing
As I stitched myself back together,
I left out the parts that I felt were unnecessary,
Like trust
I've never trusted another man the way I trusted you
Commitment hasn't bothered to darken my doorstep again
I tried to love another
Become a wife and mother
but I was too selfish
All he wanted was all that I was
He wanted the freedom I'd gained
All I had left was freedom
Glorious, priceless, freedom
#OccupyRevolution
We're burning down your houses of worship
Tearing your golden idols down
Melting thier meaning
Fire sparked by outrage
We no longer trust in your green gods
The paper thin fragility separating those with
From those without
The gap widening as the middle shrinks
There is no paper in education
Nothing real left in the estates
Commodities have lost stability
There is no longer stock in your options
No cooperation in corporations
What is left to trickle down
When you glutton yourselves on greed
There is just us
There has only been just us
And we have been denied the justice
We have slaved for
Our labor gives birth to a nation
And nations of wealth
We are the blackSmith(s)
We are the majority who will
Topple your minority
Ebb, flow, Flux
All good parties must end
All empires eventually fall
All those oppressed will rise
A river of change washes through these banks
There will be no more walls to protect these streets
The bulls will run
And bears will eat
We will kill the root of your evil
Tearing your golden idols down
Melting thier meaning
Fire sparked by outrage
We no longer trust in your green gods
The paper thin fragility separating those with
From those without
The gap widening as the middle shrinks
There is no paper in education
Nothing real left in the estates
Commodities have lost stability
There is no longer stock in your options
No cooperation in corporations
What is left to trickle down
When you glutton yourselves on greed
There is just us
There has only been just us
And we have been denied the justice
We have slaved for
Our labor gives birth to a nation
And nations of wealth
We are the blackSmith(s)
We are the majority who will
Topple your minority
Ebb, flow, Flux
All good parties must end
All empires eventually fall
All those oppressed will rise
A river of change washes through these banks
There will be no more walls to protect these streets
The bulls will run
And bears will eat
We will kill the root of your evil
Strangled Silence
I'm afraid to speak my mind
To say things that need to be said
Only to get lost in the incessant din
Of the click bait
Like button
Emoji
Social network of unreliable media
The current climate
Is stifling
Gasping for breath
Drowning in a sea of fiery
Anger and rage
Burning from the inside out
The polls are so polarizing
We bicker over little issues
Part of a larger whole
Small minds
Loud mouths
Big sticks
Freedom of speech
Builds the bars to our prison cells
Lady liberty cries herself to sleep at night
In her special jacket
And padded room
All logic treated as sin
Religious freedom only applies to one version of God
He and our founding fathers would be appalled by what we've done in their names
America,
Land of the bullies
Delusions of braveness
Greatness gentrified
Polished to look nice
Beauty ain't that deep
Rotting beneath
All the make up and make believe
That has replaced truth and facts
How can you trust your own eyes
When your mind lives a lie
To say things that need to be said
Only to get lost in the incessant din
Of the click bait
Like button
Emoji
Social network of unreliable media
The current climate
Is stifling
Gasping for breath
Drowning in a sea of fiery
Anger and rage
Burning from the inside out
The polls are so polarizing
We bicker over little issues
Part of a larger whole
Small minds
Loud mouths
Big sticks
Freedom of speech
Builds the bars to our prison cells
Lady liberty cries herself to sleep at night
In her special jacket
And padded room
All logic treated as sin
Religious freedom only applies to one version of God
He and our founding fathers would be appalled by what we've done in their names
America,
Land of the bullies
Delusions of braveness
Greatness gentrified
Polished to look nice
Beauty ain't that deep
Rotting beneath
All the make up and make believe
That has replaced truth and facts
How can you trust your own eyes
When your mind lives a lie
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