Not the first - Not the last

did you hear that crack?
did my ribs snap?
was there a gaping hole where my flower pot of a heart was?
Why was there dirt under your fingernails?
Why were there lilies in her hair?

I felt hollow, for days
I remember collapsing on the floor
when you told me you wanted her back
when you told her you loved her
when you asked me to fix your broken lie

I wish I could remember the insanity that drove me
to further rip myself apart from the inside out
I lied to cover your lies
So you could tell me you loved me
and share a bed with her
So you could call me your wife
the greatest love of your life
But spend all your time with someone
'temporary"

We were broken long before I finally let go
Like in our throes of passion,
I left claw marks where I tried to hold on
On our darkest night, I tore you apart
On my darkest night, I attempted to leave you in ruins
Who knew 3000 miles could be such a blessing

As I stitched myself back together,
I left out the parts that I felt were unnecessary,
Like trust
I've never trusted another man the way I trusted you
Commitment hasn't bothered to darken my doorstep again
I tried to love another
Become a wife and mother
but I was too selfish

All he wanted was all that I was
He wanted the freedom I'd gained
All I had left was freedom

Glorious, priceless, freedom